Understanding Its Impact on Our Lives:
Seeking validation is seen as normal at a young age. Kids and children tend to follow the adults around with the idea of petting and love. This is not common to all, some prefer the bold independent move of making their parents dance behind them.
The journey, towards parental approval may vary from culture to culture. Each place and subject has its manner of shaping the next generation. The desire to gain a nod or thumbs up shapes our behavior, independent thinking, and potential for self-growth.
Each step of life becomes a tick of yes. This includes our parents, Mentors, Hero figures, guardians, etc. The idea is to bring oneself in the position of guarantee and continue to walk without hesitation.
The question remains:
why do we need such approvals?
where does the idea come around? and
what is the impact of this in our lives?
“Parental guidance is more important than approvals.”
Need:
We as humans move freely with secure minds. For us, the comfort of belonging and care becomes a habit of choice. As children, our parents provide us with love and material, they mold our minds in the proper direction and all these factors shape the world around us.
In this process of guidance, approval becomes a silent partner. Unknowingly, adults become validators for their future generations.
Our caregivers’ fears are reflected in our moves. The idea of not allowing 100 things without proper reasoning makes it an approval habit. Our minds are now programmed to save us from all problems. Our thinking has shifted from handling the situation to how this can be avoided, or asking for guidance at each stage. Facing reality becomes challenging in uncalled situations.
Prior planning is good in routine life, but it makes us seek the answers at each step. Without guidance, confidence, validation, and love we have become people, who can only walk with a support stick. We have unknowingly lost confidence and changed our habit of seeking assurances.
“Need should not become a want of dependency.”
Do we want our parents or elders around?
The younger time becomes the frame for a growth pattern. It frames a model way of managing relationships with adults. Their influence creates a basic set of beliefs and our behavior is pursued accordingly.
All the life lessons come into play, and the bonding during the early years makes the relationship special.
As we grow, our influential factors are widened. From home to outside, we see a change in perspective. We compare the options and seek validation from some other places. This helps us gain a level of justification for such behavior. It can be from an educator, a neighbor, a family friend, or anyone from the virtual world.
Our fresh minds can connect the dots in any direction. They may even block all approvals and go bold with no thoughts. This can fall on either side. If not their way, they may become over cautious and if it works they may seek the idea of self-validation.
In both cases, we will look for a safe zone.
“Comfort is a good sound, not a motivating place.”
Attached or Dependent come from varied factors:
We, as humans have certain needs in life. Wants are added in gradual time and habits are earned in-between this time.
Family Habits: Each family has formed a level of comfort and created an environment of bonds to foster deep feelings. Each home has its vibe, a different dynamic with good functioning and understanding, or the opposite.
A positive, open, acceptable space can sprout the seeds into good saplings. However, restrained, unhealthy, and distant families may have many negative notions about gaining approval from their loved ones.
Life: The norms of society tend to break our path and send us to a different area. Cultures, religions, obligations, etc. influence the need to fit within the system of approvals. Our values are accounted as most important and respect for others is marked as a good spot.
The idea to continue the same without any personal improvement can only last some time. One can focus on society's needs when their personal needs are satisfied. In such a scenario, not being able to gain approval becomes a burden, and avoiding others' narrow raised eyebrows can take the life out of the living. This creates another level of honoring the elders/parents and obeying them to live a humble life.
Changes: As we grow, education and personal interests keep us occupied. We continue these paths with and without the yes tick marks. Change does not pinch very hard and we sail with soft waves to continue the movement of life.
Parents can pressure kids to join clubs, attain a standard at school, and boost their older morale. While the kids may follow certain rules under the drapes of fear, in hiding they become part of other groups, which no one shall give permission or approval in real.
These become a turning point of thought. Adults cannot relate to the everyday changes and demands of the world. They can participate and allow certain things as per their capability.
Circumstances in Life can also include, partners, marriage, job, change of location, priorities, etc. All these factors bring in a learning aid. These can make them independent but distant from their loved ones. On the flip side, it can create a healthy respect between the two different age groups.
Independent identity can develop a sense of autonomy and it creates an unseen boundary. It helps to define a set of new values and beliefs. Personal growth comes only by living life on self-set terms. Experience can give many unanswered queries.
Other factors: Many factors like psychology, personality, past, etc. impact our nature in managing all relations. Some independent people enjoy validation for creating a fresh bond. The neglected or insecure personality seeks little out of fear. The struggle for closeness can challenge their decisions at all levels.
Degree: The level of dependence and approval can be decided as an adult. If we compare ourselves to others, the overall idea becomes complicated and burdensome. The level of dependence and attachment can change with the creation of other personal relationships.
The degree keeps changing with age and experience. We may understand the need or disregard the same. All these depend on the dynamics created during the growing ages. No one can define it for any person. One has to learn and identify the way to maneuver through these unseen paths.
“Define your degrees of dependency to help and not restrain you.”
Future:
The future will see a level of shift in parental or adult approval. The reason can be technology, new style of living, etc. and this can reduce control of the older generation in providing guidance. The ever-changing external factors make the picture unclear, difficult, and impossible to keep up with the old system.
This can see a shift of approval as a need to give a yes tick in the form of support. Meaning the future can bring peace to this approval system. The control position can change the entire game. The seeker wants the approval of faith, and not a thumbs up of agreement. This challenges many mindsets and is not easy for the elders to maneuver.
It all depends on the style of living, preferences, culture, etc. some other outlooks like:
Early Success: Autonomy can be gained by individuals with an early success ladder. They tend to be self-confident, bold, and seekers of no approval. They think beyond the bounds and define a new way of thinking. They become influencers to the family, peers, and others to follow. This can change a lot in one relationship but does add the matter of comparison to change the angle of advice.
Respect: After a certain age, mutual respect can keep things simple. Many elders can see the present struggles with the young generation and sympathy can collide into a beautiful set of feelings. These elders keep a helping hand around and always add a dose of motivation for the next in line.
Society: The changes seen in society can be a major factor for self-expression. The global connections influence us to be self-aware and confident. This can flock the freedom of people in different directions. Society shows us an open picture and we can paint a beautiful scenery with our fresh scripture.
Emotions: The most important is to have a healthy mind and to continue a positive approach towards all close ones. Well-being can be nurtured and prioritized. Empathy can flow both ways and open communication can work for better navigation amongst all relations.
Generations: The balance between generations can influence our thoughts in many ways. We can seek guidance and validation for the goodness or the best results. The next generation can challenge us and our mindset very easily. The open fresh society filled with anxiety and needs can give us the idea of our standing, and we can become our self-approval system.
“The unseen future is the glory for independence to take priority.”
Reasons we seek approval of parents/elders/adults/others:
All humans carry a weight of reasons. Some can be lazy and others scared. Fear of judgment and failure make the worst combination to seek change.
Self-Worth: Validation keeps a measure of our worth. The idea we carry is of weighing ourselves against the scale of other adjectives. These comparisons raise the need for validation to gain some path of confidence. The absence of any guidance will take us online or to some other place of influence in the form of desperation.
Life Choices: We see a path but need the confidence to walk it. This is because falling on our emotions and handling them is not studied in any book. We fear the fall to try it and forget life is the real teacher.
Our mind is bound by the crippling effect. Lifestyle demands, choices, relationships, etc. need someone to be blamed and that gives us the negative boost to play the blame game.
Disappointment should not be a stigma, it should be the life lived, and experience faced and we should have the emotional training to move on.
Perfection: The craze to gain the perfect life has lost its charm. We have become savvy in attaining goals but lost empathy towards each other. Monetary valuations have made all other emotions value nil.
The choice of one person is compared to the other and the same scale of life is used to weigh all choices. We seek a thumbs up and down towards each person walking past us. No one sees others as an influence but only as competition. Humanity has lost its need to the wants and all is ploughing the mind with poison.
“Seek all to know yourself”
Breaking the Cycle:
All methods have limitations and perks. The era from before is no more but the basics remain the same. Seek the validation till it does not hamper your self-confidence. The level of parental control should be leveled.
All people have their limitations and so do our heroes. Distance is growth, elders lived their life as per their own rules. Do not forget each one learns differently and no one can follow the same book of life. There are no defined rules as life runs on one’s mind of present thoughts.
Use books, good influence, and your acumen, and evaluate the answer. Do not be afraid to fail. Fail to learn, relearn all known, and forget the unneeded, unlearn, to keep moving in life.
“Break the monotony to survive the continual cycle.”
Break the cycle of going back and forth:
Boundaries: A healthy pattern of approval can reshape the relationship. The boundary is independence from the continual need to validate each move in life. This can help when the figure is not available in the world to influence your thoughts. Take decisions and be happy about them. Experience the failures to learn faster and gain control over your emotional quotient.
Support: It is important to know when you need support, a kind where they teach you how to be independent and confident. A professional help, a friend, or someone who can motivate you to be You. Do not make this another cycle of dependency but a talk of clarity.
Challenges: Life is understood with challenges and experiences. No one can make you feel anything until you pass through the process. Without touching ice, you cannot experience the cold. In the same way without gaining self-awareness and self-compassion, you cannot define your worth.
Human nature takes time to change, seeking validation from others and gaining a sense of security has been fostered long within us to disregard it easily. The idea is to challenge the same and move on in life to know yourself. The cycle of following what is boxed for you will not take you anywhere and make you loop in a circle of madness.
The future is gained by balancing the traditions with the present situation. Do what suits your needs and communicate your thoughts clearly, to avoid further confusion in the parental minds.
Navigate your life with your steering and shake the gear to speed it as per your ideas. Let them take the back seat, the observers, and support givers. Define their roles and right the new rules of the game.
“Life is too short to wait for approvals.”
Purchase and Read my short Ebook: https://www.skeletonthoughts.com/product-page/parental-approval-is-a-need-or-a-want
It covers:
Detachment process
Effects on Siblings & Future
Different Cultures & Parental Approval
Evolution in Parental Approval &
More.
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